March 1853
"But those rosy hours will be reflected on the gloom of all years. As, after a day of sombre clouds and wintry winds, suddenly the sun lights up the dreary horizon with lovely brilliancy,—so comes a smile out of the cloudy Past, like a gleam of heavenly light."
1857
"But those rosy hours will be reflected on the gloom of all years. As, in a day of sombre clouds and wintry winds, suddenly the sun sends athwart the earth and sky a dazzling beam,—so comes a smile out of the dreamy Past, like a ray of heavenly light."
What's wrong with "lights up the dreary horizon with lovely brilliancy"? Too close to language and imagery in
Melville's first book:
"...enormous flambeaux, lighting up with a startling brilliancy..."
(Typee, chapter 28)
Also altered in revision, the construction "As, after.... + so...." In the 1857 book version, Scenes and Adventures in the Army, "As after" has been changed to "as in." Another giveaway? Yep, this "As, after" device recurs often in Melville's writings. Compare Mardi:
ReplyDelete"The day was waning. And, as after many a tale of ghosts, around their forest fire, Hungarian gipsies silent sit; watching the ruddy glow
kindling each other's faces;--so, now we solemn sat; the crimson West our fire; all our faces flushed." (chapter 177)
and
"And as, after first refreshing the king, as in loyalty bound, the stream flowed at large through the glen, and bathed its verdure; so, the blessed breezes of Omi, not only made pleasant the House of the Afternoon; but finding ample outlet in its wide, open front, blew forth upon the bosom of all Willamilla."
(chapter 77)
and
"As, after wandering round and round some purple dell, deep in a boundless prairie's heart, the baffled hunter plunges in; then,
despairing, turns once more to gain the open plain; even so we seekers now curved round our keels; and from that inland sea emerged."
(chapter 64)